Do we actually want violence against women to end?

Men get pushed in to doing things. A father can’t see his children as much as he wants to and is left with no choice but to lash out.

We don’t know what happens behind closed doors. Who really knows what their relationship was like behind the scenes. Women can be manipulative – or she might not have been faithful! People need to understand that fathers feel pain. And that the law courts punish fathers. What options are left to men? Its no wonder. Its clear: violent public murders are really the only option left.

What a world we live in when people’s first response to domestic terrorism is to absolve violent perpetrators. They are good guys. Great blokes. Violent murder is violent murder. Violent murderers are not good blokes. The man who violently murdered Hannah Clarke was a violent murderer. A “good man” did not “snap”. A man escalated his violent and controlling behaviour. A man chose to immolate his children in a public place, rather than share custody of them. A man chose to violently murder his ex-partner rather than move on. A man chose to violently kill himself rather than face the police. A man chose to strike terror in to the public. This was not a moment of weakness, this was an escalation to act of violent extremism. Of intimate domestic terrorism.

This man’s violent act has irrevocably damaged the lives of the witnesses that looked on in terror. The neighbour who valiantly tried to rescue the three children in the back of that car will never un-see their faces. The brave neighbours that rushed to Hannah’s aide, despite the physical threat of the nearby violent terrorist will never un-see her burns. No one rushing forward knew what this man was planning to do next – their bravery was incredible.

The emergency service personnel that responded to the scene will never forget what they found. All of these humans will never un-see what they witnessed. Never un-smell what they smelt. Un-hear the screams. They will be haunted by the actions of this violent man. Simple things will be forever changed: the smell of petrol, the crackle of fire, the street they live on, their homes, their lawns, their lives. Their lives will never be the same.

Survivors of other violent men will be dealing with flashbacks of their own past. Their own mortality. Their own guilt for escaping. Those still searching for a way to escape their own violent situations will see this as a warning of what could happen. It makes their fears very real. The Australian Government defines a terrorist act as an act that intends to coerce or influence the public to advance an ideological cause by causing death. This violent man’s actions will have influenced the public. It will have reminded those trapped in relationships with violent men that they face the very real threat of death if they leave. The ideology that men can be pushed in to violence has been advanced. The belief that women can force a man to violence through their actions has been advanced. Women have been reminded of what happens if they leave: that they will not be safe.

This violent reminder was reinforced by the Queensland Police. Their spokesperson’s comments that there can apparently be “two sides” to a violent act that struck terror in the hearts of our nation when a father set fire to his children reminds women of their place. This critical reinforcement that men can be “pushed” to murder reminds women, the most vulnerable women in our society, that their safety can not be guaranteed and that they may even be blamed for their own murders. How do you escape a position of terror and fear if the agency that you will most need help and protection from all but defends public acts of terror on our streets? Where are these women supposed to go? Where are we as a society supposed to go? Why do we need an “open mind” when a human is set on fire in a suburban street?

We reached a critical point on this issue years ago. The violent death of Hannah and her children should not surprise anyone. This continuation of violent acts by men is the status quo. Hannah will not be the last women to die violently at the hands of a domestic terrorist this year. Women will continue to die and we will continue to be sad and we will continue, as a society to do very little about it.

Our government has reduced funding for shelters that give women fleeing violence somewhere to go. Our police defended this situation, suggesting there were two sides to the story. Our media portrayed this violent murderer as a former football star. Our society questioned what went on behind closed doors – as if there is any act of domestic disharmony that permits public immolation of women and children. We treated a few needles in some strawberries with more conviction that violent murders.

Our society effectively condones violent domestic terrorism through inaction and ambivalence. What are we actually going to do to stop this? In a months time will we remember Hannah and her children as the moment we stepped up and created change – or will she be just another dead woman?

I’m at the point of despair on what to do next. Seriously – what the hell do we do to stop this. What can I do personally? These aren’t hypothetical questions where I next paint the picture of my own smug action: I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m upset. I want to tell my kids this kind of stuff will stop. I want to know my friends are safe. I want to know that men will stop killing their families. I want to know there is an end.

Sadly, the only thing I do know is that these violent intimate domestic terrorists aren’t going away any time soon. Not while we apologise for violent men. Not while we refuse to get uncomfortable. Not while we refuse to change the system. We can demand that there is an end – but I don’t know how we actually get there. I know there is a framework for action. I know there is a path. I know we could do it. Just not while we keep doing what we are doing.

  • 1800 Respect – Confidential information, counselling and support service
  • Our Watch – has been established to drive nation-wide change in the culture, behaviours and attitudes that underpin and create violence against women
  • Share the Dignity – Donate to a women’s charity that makes a real, on-the-ground difference for girls and women experiencing homelessness, domestic violence and period poverty.
  • Chorus – A massive dance project calling for end of violence against women. Check out the documentary here
  • Lifeline – Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.
  • eheadspace – eheadspace provides free online and telephone support and counselling to young people 12 – 25 and their families and friends.

Avoiding greedily snaffling the low-hanging fruit

Sporting clubs are easy pickings for health promotion. They are a captive audience of collective individuals vaguely interested in health and well-being. They are the obvious choice for the latest intervention, program or campaign and provide great bang for buck – but we need to consider when to give clubs a break from being the target.

And you thought low hanging fruit would be easy

Sporting clubs are amazing places – community hubs filled with engaged individuals and plucky volunteers keen to make the world a better place one week at a time. Great venues for social change, for community engagement, for communicating to the masses. Sporting clubs bring people together in a way that many other organisations can not and they allow individuals from varied backgrounds to connect and enjoy their time together. And for forever and day, because of these facts – sporting clubs are the most obvious low-hanging fruit for health promotion programs to target. I should know, I’ve one it several times and been on the receiving end as well.

The problem with targeting sporting clubs is not targeting sporting clubs – but the manner in which you engage them and the long-term sustainability of whatever you are hoping to achieve. One-off funding and sponsorship that gets a club to sign up to a program might sounds great; but I’ve been in many a club that has a health promotion banner tucked behind the bar, or worse, on the wall next to an sign supplied by Big Alcohol. Your Great Health Promotion Message paired with Bush Chook. If there is no ongoing engagement with clubs to keep them on track – a season or two after the funding has ended, once a new committee or batch volunteers rolls in, the message can be very quickly lost or discarded.

If your program does not adequately engage the very fabric of a club – it will not survive long-term.

You can not bring a new idea in to a club and hope it will live on once you’ve left. You can not expect completely under-resourced volunteers to implement a new program or idea (on top the other programs they already run) if you don’t build their capacity. You can not expect clubs to champion your cause if they don’t believe in it and see the clear benefit. Your idea or program might be amazing and really well funded and make everyone in your industry nod with approval – but if Beryl who runs the canteen doesn’t really give a stuff because your idea is going to make her already hard and long day a bit harder and longer – she isn’t going to get on board long-term. Sure, she might do it to help the club secure the funding – but she will outlast your program. Like the last one. And the one before that.

If your program does not ingrain and endear itself to the sporting club champions, you are in trouble.

You ain’t no Gordon.

Sporting club volunteers want to believe in your programs. They want to run them. They really do (well, maybe not Beryl, but someone can sideline her long enough to put up the signs – Geoff behind the bar is trickier to move). The thing is – many sporting clubs are dying. Volunteers are so thin on the ground that they struggle from year to year to find people to do the things that actually HAVE to do. The administrative workload of running a small business for free eventually takes its toll and clubs need more work like a hole in the head.

The next five years are crunch time for clubs.

People don’t want to volunteer to do what has to be done to run a club these days. From ensuring insurance is appropriate and paid, securing coaches, finding players, organising registrations, paying fees, affiliations and memberships to State sporting bodies, organising umpires and game-day helpers, buying uniforms and merchandise, approaching and engaging sponsors, finding or training medical personnel, dealing with internal club politics and regional league or association issues – there is so much to do. Something as simple as putting a team on the park for a weekend requires determination, grit and a bloody minded will to achieve in the face of adversity. And a laptop with a 4G dongle, because everything has be done on a computer these days.

Did you bring the oranges?

Club volunteers are under the pump. Something as critical as becoming the coach of the under-16s footy team requires a full day of face-to-face (unpaid) training with an accompanying online module and work-book; as well as yearly re-registration and proof of competency. All clubs in WA are required to engage with the local department’s own club development program, an online toolkit and management system that is a great idea, but takes huge effort to really sink your teeth in to. If the club has a bar, everyone needs RSA training and you need a trained manager and need to run your cash bar to high standards around documentation and resourcing. Canteen staff are being recommended more an more to do food-handling courses and their are issues around food-preparation and local government. Sometimes food that needs no prep (hot chips and some pies) is just easier than an amazing quinoa salad – especially if your canteen is a bit dodgy. Never mind the fact that you may not have enough time to prepare healthy food options because you picked up the canteen supplies on the way home from work, and are running the canteen in between running water for the juniors and playing your self.

Sporting clubs are struggling to keep up with what they have to do. Volunteers are also players or umpires. There is never enough help. And even getting players is getting harder and harder as our lives get busier and busier – and more interesting options become available. Mountain biking, surfing, trail running, kayaking, mauy thai – all really interesting physical activities that do not involve ensuring 40 other people are ready at the same time (and all are things I now do instead of organised team sport). Plus, you also won’t be asked to volunteer in the canteen after your jog or have to join a committee. People are looking to do sport that fits their lifestyle. Blocking out a large chunk of Saturday to play and then run a canteen for the greater good doesn’t appeal.

Can someone take over in the canteen? I need to go home…..

Does this mean we do nothing? We leave clubs alone? Let sporting clubs run amok. Let them serve wild boar on a bed of hot chips with mead? Well, no – but if you want to set up a program that engages sporting clubs in health promotion – you need to ask yourself a few hard questions first:

  • Is your program going in on top of existing programs? Perhaps long term programs? If you think a club that already runs two programs is ripe for the picking because they are already engaged in health and social change and another wouldn’t hurt – consider what capacity is left in that club?
  • What has been rolled out already in that region?
  • What hasn’t worked or why didn’t it work long term?
  • What real connection does the club have to your program beyond the carrot or money or resources at the start?
  • Do clubs actually believe in your message, or do they want the cash?
  • What is the real human cost of your program? On the volunteers that have to implement it? How easy have you made it for them?
  • Do the local club development officers support your program? Is their department on board?
  • How much does society as a whole care about what you are selling? Have you done the ground work of outlining the problem in a real and relatable way that clubs have already engaged with? Basically, are you answering a need, or providing a solution to a problem no one knows they have?
  • Have you over or underestimated the clubs you are dealing with? No two clubs are the same, and the volunteers within a club drive its direction and motivation.
Consider how your program will meet these areas before you inflict it on unsuspecting volunteers

Once you’ve answered those questions and put yourself in the shoes of a busy parent juggling responsibilities – then you can probably get your program going. However, don’t forget to continually re-evaluate your program implementation and how it is engaging with the volunteer club workforce. Don’t be naive. Don’t be short sighted. Don’t preach. Definitely don’t preach. There is nothing worse. And for goodness sake, don’t think your program will survive without curation, care-taking and support. Unless it really is amazing. Then you might be lucky.

Young Crew and Severe Injury

I have spent some time working with young people on a program attempting to engage them on the concept of choices and consequences, particularly around partying and road safety. It was hard work. It was enjoyable work. Most importantly, it was work that allowed me to hang out with young people and hope that they cared about what I had to say. It sometimes felt a lot like high school.

When you’re in high school you are desperate for people to like you. To talk to you. To think that you are worthy of their attention and they you have something interesting and useful to say. There is so much at stake. What if they hate me? What if what I say sucks? My work allowed me to return to those anxieties, but at seemingly much higher stakes. I wasn’t just hanging out at lunchtime with young crew, I was trying to convince them that keeping their limbs on was worth their attention.

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Until recently I worked on a project that involved coordinating and delivering a program that focused on reducing youth trauma – particularly trauma resulting from drinking or high risk behaviour. I was basically trying to teach teenagers how to not be stupid. And really, the focus is predominately on young men not being stupid. In 2016, a staggering 71% of trauma patients through the major trauma centre in WA (15-24 year old age bracket) were young men. And primarily young men that had taken stupid, high risk choices. From my home region – young people accounted for 25% of people killed or seriously injured on our local roads between 2004 and 2013. The excuses of the excesses of youth, the difficulties in delivering programmes or vagrancies of funding can’t be excuses for not trying to educate this group.

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I was involved in a really fun program to deliver. I am also the first person to admit it wasn’t always perfect. It could always have been improved, expanded, built upon. Health promotion is most effective when delivered as part of a structured program that is embedded in to multiple areas; rather than one-off field trips – but when you only have the capacity to deliver the one-offs, you have to decide whether one-off interventions are better than no interventions. We endeavoured to ensure the program was delivered in conjunction with other projects and programs, but occasionally it was purely stand-alone. I know what the research says, but sometimes you can only do what you can do.

A major challenge involved in running a project like this, was stakeholder management. So many stakeholders, all very important to the project, all with different needs, goals and motivations for their involvement. There were tense moments during development and delivery that would have been easier to manage with less people to worry about, but that may have reduced the efficacy of the program or the internal and external support. It was a delicate balancing game.

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After navigating the stress of just getting the project up and running – my main joy was delivering the actual program days. Delivering programs to young people takes a significant amount of energy. You have to just go for it and second best will not do. Program days would first involve juggling presenters and pretending on top of everything; then once that was under control the real fun would begin. It would be my turn to hurtle head first in to an awaiting pack of rabid youths, desperate to make my mark, or at the very least, a smeary smudge against the windshield of their youthful egos.

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That is where when head back to high school. Now, this was not peer-education. I’m old. Like grey hair, married with children old. I am so not lit. Sure, I’ve met young people and some of them have even spoken to me in a consensual two way conversation – but I am O. L. D. The young crew I was speaking to were generally in the sticky, messy part of the teenage dream, where parties, booze, sex and risk taking come crashing together with awkwardness, naivety and acne. I’m old enough (if I’d made some dramatic life choices) to be their dad. Or at least their uncle. In fact, for one of the kids – I was their uncle. Now, that was a tough day of trying to balance role duality. The challenges of working in regional areas.

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So, how do you make yourself relevant when speaking to young people without making yourself a grade-A example of an epic toolie? The first step is to sincerely acknowledge that you are not their peer, you are old and you do not know what they are going through. Aside from the fact that this is 90% the truth, it helps establish that you aren’t trying to be cool – you’re trying to be useful.

One thing that was VERY successful for me and a I recommend to anyone working with young people: don’t be afraid to ridicule yourself. It helps reduce the feeling that you are holier than thou and preaching to the group. I never felt that I lost standing mixing strong messages with some self targeted ribbing. One of the most talked about slides from my presentations has been my then and now picture. I use it to introduce the concept of choices and consequences to the program – mainly my poor choices in hair style and fashion.

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Another tip: find a concept and deliver it well. We worked hard on the choices and consequences concept – reduce your risks, help your mates, beware the ripple effect. Trying to convince a group of young people that a potentially silly error could lead to ongoing and possibly lifelong effects is a tough sell – one that can be achieved through making what you are talking about real, relatable and raw. A participant has to be able to put themselves or someone they know in the picture.

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The ripple effect was one of the key tenements of the program. It sprung in to existence from almost nowhere one day and became a core principle of explaining the concept of road trauma to young people. We don’t give young people much credit – they can be portrayed as lazy and self-absorbed. An unfair generalisation that doesn’t allow for the fact that there is great compassion and empathy in amongst our young crew. I would often explain the concept that health workers – the paramedics, doctors and nurses that dealt with front-line trauma are not robots. They are people, with families, and friends and lives that went on beyond delivering emergency health care. The concept that their decisions may actually impact on me and my children’s lives proved to be surprisingly effective in gaining their attention.

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Another pointer: tell real stories. Scenarios are great. Real life is even better. I have, unfortunately, lost far too many friends and peers through road accidents. Some were drinking driving. Some were speeding. Some remain unexplained, many, many years later. All were young men. All were tragedies. All ripped the heart and soul out of families, communities, sporting groups. There is nothing like the jarring finality of the loss of a young life through road trauma. There is a jarring reality when you stand in front of a group of young people and speak candidly about how hard it can be to see the mother of a dead friend, even years later. Explain the times you catch yourself day dreaming about the possible children a mate could have had, what type of dad he may have been, what type of partner. Retelling the reality of a life lost aids with cut-through.

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There was great opportunities to learn from the groups. Not just from what they were saying, but their actions, their responses, their feedback. There is something really exposing about presenting to young people (if you care). You are putting yourself out there – and they will provide direct and cutting feedback if what you are serving up isn’t to standard. The groups I spoke to had no qualms in questioning what was presented, how it was presented. They were fair but harsh critics – and they demand the best of you as a presenter.

The content we delivered was hard going and the manner it was interactive, challenging and occasionally fun. There can be a misconception that if you are learning about a serious topic you can’t enjoy yourself. It is widely accepted that children learn best through play. Surely adults and young adults are the same. This week I was reading an article by Dorothy Lucardie, who highlights that having fun and experiencing enjoyment were recognised by adult learners and teachers as a significant motivators to attendance and learning the knowledge and skills; while fun and enjoyment were considered a mechanism that encouraged concentration by learners and helped in the absorption of learning. We shouldn’t be afraid of making learning about serious topics fun. Why not engage a group, have them invested and involved when talking about the challenges of managing a trauma patient?

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The element of fun, some self-depreciation and relatability and acknowledging that while I definitely wasn’t a peer, I was at least worth listening to – meant that I had a lot of fun delivering this program and excellent feedback from my harsh, teen critics. Delivering alongside some exceptional presenters made my job that little bit easier, and definitely ensured that we had maximum impact on participants. This project was heavily evaluated, and the feedback forms were always glowing – but the biggest things that I would take from delivering the program were the unexpected outcomes, the remembrances, and the relationships with my fellow presenters.

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The value in presenting that program was always the things on top of the content. The outcomes no-one knew would exist. Two male students chose to study nursing after attending the project, changing their study preferences in perhaps the biggest professional compliment I have ever received. One student spent the day seemingly ignoring the key points of the program, before everything clicked in the final 15 minutes of the day. He solemnly shook my hand at the end of the day, staying back explicitly to do so – and still welcomes me in the street 2 years after he attended the program. The young people who remind me they were participants as they serve me coffee in local cafes, thanking me for the program. The parents who approach me and tell me their child raved about the program at home and that they hope it continues. Those were the things that made it really worthwhile, and are the things that cannot be captured on an evaluation or wider expansion of a program. The intangibles, the connections you make, the moments of realisation in a participant’s eyes. You can’t capture that – but it makes it worth throwing so much of yourself in to it.